Farewell
by Amenadiel
Summary: Amenadiel is tired of being used as a tool. His own situation has changed and he wants to leave this mess. Dr. Linda helps too.


After Amenadiel sided with Mom, of course Maze did not even want to see him. After lying about Chloe's car, Maze probably would never believe him. Luci did not understand why he stayed with Mom and he did not understand either. He was the one who wanted to send Mom back to hell at the beginning. How did Mom persuade him? By showing how much she cared him? He was not naïve enough to believe that Mom indeed cared for him that much. He was a tool for Mom to use; just like he was a tool for Father. He was angry when he found out Chloe was the miracle. Angel's sole responsibility is to carry about Father's will, so this was what he was destined for. Chloe was Father's arrangement for Lucifer to come home and for him to fall. Considering how fast his power had diminished, he may even become mortal soon. His wings could not even appear now.

Amenadiel bought a case of Vodka to his old office, the one he used to trick Dr. Linda. He heard Lucifer showed his true face to her and she handled very well. He had not met her since revelation and was curious about her reaction. By now she should realize he was indeed an angel. Although Amenadiel had lived way longer than Linda had, he often felt Linda was much more knowledgeable than him. He was remorseful about deceiving her and glad to apologize.

"Amenadiel! Amenadiel! Wake up please!"

"My head hurts. Why is everything spinning?"

"Because you passed out. Did you finish all these 12 bottle of Vodka? You could die from alcohol poisoning. Amenadiel, I understand you have a hard time recently. You can always talk to me. I am your friend. Alcohol is never a good choice to escape problems."

"Wait. What? Alcohol poisoning? Alcohol never affects me before. Linda, you do realize I am not human, right?"

"Right, I get that you are an Angel. But Amenadiel, you look quite green for someone who claims alcohol does not affect him. Let me help you get up first."

His world was still spinning and his legs did not support him much either. Linda basically carried him to the chairs. Everything inside his body was burning. He never felt his miserable even though he was hurt thousand times before.

"Amenadiel, you need to drink more water so your body can better dissolve the alcohol. You are having a fever too. Let me grab an ice packet from my office."

"I do not need ice packet. I will be fine soon. I am….."

"An angel. Yes, I get that. But trust me, ice packet will make you feel better immediately. I will be back in a second."

"See, I am not lying. Feeling much better now? By the way, why did your office have so many feathers flying around?"

Amenadiel opened his eyes and saw all the black feathers flying in his office. He had a theory and had to test it. He lightly pushed Dr. Linda away and walked towards the closest glass bottle. He picked it up and threw it to the wall. The glass bottle shattered loudly, which seemed to scare Dr. Linda. He chose the largest piece and used it to slice his arm deeply. His skin was cut open and the blood was dripping quickly along his arm. He was a mortal now. The First Born, the Archangel with great power, was a human now. He wanted to laugh and cry simultaneously, but his body was too shocked to do either.

Dr. Linda never imaged Amenadiel as someone who would harm himself. She was so disturbed by his whole action that she almost forgot to bandage his wound. His blank expression was what worried her the most. He seemed so desperate but did not want her to notice.

"Amenadiel, talk to me. What happened! Amenadiel!"

He heard Dr. Linda calling his name, but the voice seemed to come from a distant place even thought she was sitting in front of him. His body suddenly started shaking and he could not make it stop. He started to feel out of breath and the office became much darker.

"You are safe here. Don't worry, now listen to me. Breath in. Breath out. Breath in. Breath out. Let's repeat it again. Breath in. Breath out. You are doing a good job. I am here and will protect you."

Dr. Linda was so distraught to see Amenadiel having a panic attack. Although Amenadiel had lied to her in the past, she still considered him as a dear friend. She wanted to give him as much comfort as possible.

After a while, Amenadiel finally felt a little better but he was embarrassed. He did not understand why he could not control his body and hated this useless feeling.

"Amenadiel, I am your friend. It is very hard for me to see you like this. Please let me help you. I only want you to be better."

"Linda. I have fallen from grace quite a while ago but now I am mortal. You know I am an angel, but I am not just any angel. I was an archangel, the one with great power. I was the First Born and I have seen how universe developed. But now I will be dead soon. I have done so many bad things in the past. The hell is my only ultimate home and I will be subject to Lucifer's or worst, other devil's ruling. Hell, is a miserable place to stay forever."

"Lucifer is the devil, but he still has the power. Maybe he can help you restore the power?"

"Luci is always the favorite son even after the fall. Father even arranged a miracle for him to come home. But neither Father or Mother cared about me. They created me as an experiment and were willing to destroy me if the result was bad. Unless Father come, no one can restore my power. Linda, I need a place to stay for a while. I am not ready to see any of them right now. Can you help?"

Linda had an apartment in San Jose and that was the perfect place for Amenadiel. This city is far away from Los Angeles and has a different atmosphere. People here only want to have their own company and are always working hard. It was peaceful but also lively. After the initial shock, Amenadiel found out he was not exactly a human either; at least he did not need to eat for a few days before he felt hungry.

"Amenadiel, how are you?"

"Pretty good. Thanks for lending this apartment to me. I appreciate your help."

"You can call me any time. I am here for you."

"Thanks. I am getting used to being a human. I was invited to a birthday party last week by the family next door. I barely know them, but it was fun. I have been spending my time in the park and library so far. Never realize you have such a beautiful place. Heaven is a holy place, but it is quite boring and cold, to be honest."

"I will be there next week. I can introduce you to some other beautiful places too. Take care, Amenadiel."

Dr. Linda offered her spare bedroom to Amenadiel, but he wanted to stay away from the city. If he left the city, it would be much more difficult for Mom or Lucifer to find him, if they ever tried. She worried about Amenadiel's psychological state and did not want him to leave her supervision right after his episode; therefore, he promised to call her every day at the same time for the next three months.

Amenadiel was grateful for Dr. Linda's arrangement. She cared for him deeply. He understood her logic and could not deny its credibility. However, he could not risk being found by either Mom or Maze. He did not think Lucifer would actually look for him. Luci was probably busy sorting out his relationship with Chloe. He did not care about all these things any longer. He was tired of being used and manipulated by both Father and Mom. They were not his parents because they never loved him. He used to think love was useless, but now he desired it.

Maze felt something was out of ordinary, but she could not tell. Dan just stopped by Lux to ask Lucifer something and Maze suddenly realized she had not seen Amenadiel for quite a long time. Lucifer's Mom visited Lux the other day, still trying to manipulate Lucifer. But Amenadiel was not with her that day. He was always around Lucifer since he came to earth. Last time Amenadiel had disappeared was right after they broke up. Maybe he was in his office this time too.

"Linda, did you see Amenadiel recently?"

"Good morning, Maze. No, I have not seen him for a while."

"Linda, you know I can tell whether people are lying. You are hiding something."

"He was gone…"

"What! He is not allowed to go anywhere without my permission. I am going to hell right now."

"Hold on Maze. He is not dead! Next time please let me finish my sentences."

"Sorry! I thought you said he was gone."

"Yes, he was gone for A While. He just did not want to stay here right now."

"Where is he now?"

"I can't tell you. He does not want anyone to interrupt."

"Why? What is going on with him?"

"It is not my place to tell. I will tell him that you want to visit and let you know his response."

Maze was worried. Amenadiel did not deal well with the whole falling from grace thing. She was angry about him assisting his mom that she did not even ask about this issue. Losing power was never easy, especially for someone with such a high pride. Amenadiel was not as strong as he tried to show everyone. If Dr. Linda won't tell her the location, she would find it with her own method.

It was much easier to find Amenadiel than she thought. He did not place any trap or misleading spells to hide his location. She followed him for three days but this person was not the Amenadiel she knew. He basically spent all the time in park, library, and apartment. He was quiet most of time unless talking to Dr. Linda over the phone. What was attractive about this boring life that he was willing to give up everything for? He did not even want her to visit, which irritated her a lot.

"Why didn't you want to see me?"

"What? Maze, why are you here?"

"I should be the one asking this question. Why did you disappear? Why did you tell Dr. Linda you do not want to see me? Why are you hiding?"

"How did you find me?"

"Well, I have my own ways. Besides you did not try very hard to hide your location."

"Maze, I don't want to go back any more. I am tired. I need some time to find my position here. I want to have a new life here so I do not want to see anyone."

"Fine. I will not come again. By the way, Lucifer and your mom did not seem to notice you disappeared."

"I know. Luci and Mom are probably too busy dealing with each other. If they ever ask, tell them I wish them a happy life."

"Maze, thanks for loving me, protecting me, and saving me. You have created lots of happy memories for me. Farewell."

"Amenadiel! If you ever need me, just ask Dr. Linda. She knows how to get in touch with me. Farewell."


End file.
